i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Someone signed my nipple.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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