explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
