D3 body, D1 cock
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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