So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
