fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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