I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
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I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
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TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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