Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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