So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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