I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
