I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
