Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
