mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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