For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
