i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
