Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
