you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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