I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
