dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Someone signed my nipple.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
