i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
