I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize