Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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