??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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