you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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