please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
