Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize