shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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