I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
