i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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