Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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