Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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