After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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