There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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