Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Umm I'm too high to move.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
