I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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