They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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