Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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