My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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