I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
