i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
