when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
