she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
