yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
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i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
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This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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