Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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