I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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