I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wish you could order shots online.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
