You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
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I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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