Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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