I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
