I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
