is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
