I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
