so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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