she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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