Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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