I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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