I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
