Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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