I think i peed on brittanys purse
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
