Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
