I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
