Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i wish my penis had a tongue
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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