well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
