I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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