We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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