I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
