If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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