i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
smell my finger.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
