I am in a vortex of obligation.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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