you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
